Grief is a deeply complex human experience. Grief is not merely an emotion. It is a complicated process of working through a culmination of seemingly contradictory emotions. When it comes to your child, grief can look and feel different from what adults expect or process through their own grief. Adults often use words to express their sorrow through leaning on conversation, reflection, and mourning. Children, however, will process grief through play.
For children who have lost a loved one, whether that be a grandparent, sibling, parent, a beloved pet, play offers a powerful way to cope, express, and ultimately heal through the natural cycles of grief. Play allows your child a way to work through their grief in ways that are natural to them, without forcing them into adult patterns of talking or intellectualizing feelings they may not yet understand.
In this week’s blog post, we will explore how play can support your child’s grief, what makes play unique in the grieving process, and how you can walk alongside your child during the grieving process.
Understanding How Children Grieve
Grief in children does not always look like grief in adults. While adults may cry openly, struggle, reminisce, articulate their feelings of loss, children’s grief may show up as:
- Regression in behavior (bedweeting, clinginess, tantrums)
- Mood swings or irritability
- Withdrawal from friends and activities
- Changes in sleeping or eating patterns
- Play that may reenact themes of death, separation, or loss
It is important to remember that children move in and out of grief. One moment your child may appear unaffected. They may be laughing with friends, then the next day they may burst into tears over something seemingly small. This oscillation is not your child avoiding, it’s their way of taking grief in bite sized pieces that they can process.
This is where play becomes essential in their grieving process. Play is your child’s way of processing life. Just as grown ups talk to sort through their thoughts, children play.
Through play, your child can:
- Express emotions safely. Anger, sadness, confusion, and fear can be acted out in their play space with toys rather than them being bottled up inside.
- Recreate and rewrite experiences. A child may use puppets to replay a hospital scene, gradually shifting from fear to comfort as they regain a sense of control.
- Symbolizing what they cannot verbalize. This may look like a tower that keeps collapsing, a doll that “disappears”, or covering toys in a sandbox may all represent aspects of their grieving process.
- Practice coping skills. Through repetitive play, children test ways of dealing with strong emotions, which leads them to build resilience over time.
When children are allowed to grieve through play, they don’t have to translate their complex feelings into words. They can simply be, and they communicate through how they are playing.
What Makes Child Centered Play Therapy Different in the Grieving Process
Child Centered Play Therapy allows your child to take the lead in their grieving process. Your child has an innate capacity for growth and healing.
In the context of grief, CCPT
- Honors your child’s timeline. The pressure is off to process through it before your child is ready.
- Builds trust and safety. The consistent presence of a nonjudgmental play space reassures your child that they can express whatever they feel.
- Encourages emotional integration. Over time, children weave their loss into their life story, finding meaning and peace.
- Supports resilience. By working through grief through play, children strengthen their capacity to cope with future challenges.
What Grief Can Look Like In Playtime
To a parent or caregiver observing grief in play, the play may look ordinary or possibly puzzling. A grieving child might:
- Smash blocks down repeatedly, expressing anger at the unfairness of loss.
- Use puppets to act out scenarios with themes about goodbyes or reunions.
- Bury toys in a sand tray, then dig them up, symbolizing loss and remembrance.
- Nurture baby dolls, showing a desire for comfort and connection.
- Play out superhero battles, regaining a sense of power in a situation where they felt powerless.
Each of these expressions have meaning, even when your child cannot put that meaning into words. In play therapy, your child’s play therapist tracks and reflects the child’s feelings, creating space for the child to recognize and integrate their emotions at their own pace.
The Role of the Play Therapist
If you are considering play therapy to help your child process through grief, a play therapist can help aid in that process therapeutically. The play therapist is not there to direct or correct your child’s play, but to create a safe, accepting, and empathetic environment. The play therapist’s role includes:
- Reflecting emotions: “Your doll looks really sad right now. It seems like she misses someone.”
- Tracking behavior: “You’re building that tower very carefully, and then knocking it down.”
- Setting safe limits: Ensures that your child’s play remains safe for both child and therapist.
- Providing consistency: The predictable, reliable presence of the therapist offers security at a time when life feels unpredictable.
Through these therapeutic responses, children feel seen, heard, and accepted. These are all powerful antidotes to the isolation that grief can bring.
How Parents and Caregivers Can Support Their Child’s Grief Journey
While CCPT is a powerful tool, parents and caregivers remain the most important figures in a grieving child’s life. Here are some ways you can support your child’s healing.
- Normalize their grief. Let your child know it’s okay to feel sad, angry, confused, or even happy while grieving. All of their feelings have a purpose.
- Maintain routines. Structure and consistency help children feel safe when their world has been shaken by loss.
- Provide play opportunities at home. Offer art supplies, dolls, blocks, and outdoor play. Don’t worry about making sense of their play – just be present and open.
- Answer questions honestly. Children may ask the same questions repeatedly. Offer simple, age-appropriate answers without overloading them.
- Model healthy coping. It’s okay for children to see parents cry. Sharing your grief in healthy ways teaches children that emotions are manageable.
- Collaborate with your play therapist. Stay connected with your child’s play therapist, attend parent consultations and asking how you can support the process at home.
When to Consider Play Therapy for a Grieving Child
While all grieving children can benefit from CCPT, it may be especially helpful if your child:
- Struggles with persistent anger or aggression
- Withdraws from friends or family
- Has ongoing nightmares or trouble sleeping
- Regresses significantly in behavior
- Avoids talking about the loss altogether
- Shows prolonged changes in mood or school performance
A Message of Hope
Grief can feel overwhelming, but your child has the innate ability for resilience. With the support from CCPT, children can find ways to express their sorrow, remember their loved one, and move forward with hope.
Just as adults need spaces to process loss, children need their own space, filled with toys, empathy, and acceptance. This provides a space for them to let their grief unfold in the way only children can: through play.
If your child and/or family has experienced a loss, know that your family does not have to walk this journey alone. CCPT offers a path of healing where grief is expressed, honored, and integrated one block, one doll, one story at a time.
With play and presence,
Lauren Walter, LPC-Associate | Play Therapist
Supervised by Sheila D. Thompson, LPC-S, RPT-S
