Six-and-a-half year old Alex stomped into her classroom one morning, eyes narrowed and fists clenched. Not even a month ago, she had been happily playing tea time with her dolls, organizing her toys into neat rows, and chattering away about her plans to be a teacher when she grows up.
Today, in her world, nothing felt right.
She picked up blocks just to knock them down in frustration. She accused her classmates and teachers of being “mean.” And when the reading nook reminded her of a recent trip to the library, she shouted, “I hate reading! It’s so stupid!” before tossing all of the books onto the floor.
For her parents and teacher, Alex’s sudden shifts in mood and behavior were confusing. “She was doing so well,” her Mom told her Teacher. “Now, it feels like we’ve regressed back to toddler tantrums!”
What Alex was experiencing wasn’t regression or defiance. She was moving from a stage of equilibrium, where her world felt balanced, predictable, and smooth, into a stage of disequilibrium, a natural phase of growth where everything feels messy, stretched, unfamiliar – downright frustrating.
What Do We Mean by Equilibrium and Disequilibrium?
Many developmental theories describe children as cycling through these two alternating periods.
- Equilibrium is when your child seems centered, adaptable, and relatively easy to parent. Your son or daughter can manage routines with less resistance, handle challenges with resilience, and generally feel “in-sync” with themselves and their peers within the home and school.
- Disequilibrium is when the opposite happens. Your child appears irritable, moody, sensitive, and even oppositional. They may test boundaries, struggle heavily with transitions, and react strongly to seemingly small stressors. While it feels disruptive, disequilibrium is actually the engine of growth.
Disequilibrium signals that your child is reorganizing internally, preparing to step into new capacities. Think of it like a growth spurt. Like physical growth, emotional and cognitive growth can leave your child “off-balance” before they integrate new skills.
Our Approach
In Child-Centered Play Therapy, we recognize these phases not as problems to fix, but rather, vital rhythms of development.
- In equilibrium, play therapy may look calm, organized, and symbolic. Children may choose structured games or cooperative play, reflecting a sense of internal order and stability.
- In disequilibrium, sessions may look chaotic and intense. Children may throw toys, test limits, or repeat themes of loss, conflict, and frustration. In therapy, we understand these expressions not as misbehavior, but as communication of their inner world in flux.
By providing your child with unconditional positive regard, empathy, and consistent limits, our therapists offer your child a safe place to “work through” the disequilibrium. The playroom acts as a container where your child is safe to experiment, express frustration, and gradually integrate new growth.
Supporting Your Child Through One Step Forward & Two Steps Back
Parents often feel alarmed when their child shifts from equilibrium to disequilibrium. Our approach allows you to reframe this cycle as normal, healthy, and expected. Here are a few tips on managing these changes at home:
- Normalize the process. Just as your child outgrows their shoes, they outgrow ways of thinking and coping. Disequilibrium means their old strategies no longer fit their newfound abilities.
- Stay steady. Your child needs you to remain consistent when they feel inconsistent. Holding boundaries with empathy helps anchor them.
- Value play. During disequilibrium, children often “work out” struggles through pretend play, storytelling, or art. Giving them space to do this helps them move toward balance.
- Look for the shift. Disequilibrium doesn’t last forever. Soon enough, the child will step into a new phase of equilibrium. Often, with surprising maturity, new skills, and fresh confidence.
With play and presence,
Lauren Walter, LPC-Associate | Play Therapist
Supervised by Magan Mangold, LPC-S
