As the long days of summer dwindle and the aisle of every store fills up with crayons, folders, and lunchboxes, many children begin to feel a familiar flutter in their stomachs. The start of a new school year brings anticipation and excitement – but for some, it also can bring waves of anxiety.
As a child-centered play therapist, I see this back to school anxiety every year. The anxiety can look differently in each child. For some, it’s clinginess at morning drop-off. For others, it’s tearful bedtime routines, tummy aches, or outbursts that come out of nowhere.
When I was a child, I experienced back-to-school anxiety to the point where I would hide behind the couch when my mother tried to take me to the bus stop, refused to get onto the bus, and every morning was a struggle to eat breakfast due to those back to school butterflies in my
stomach.
And it makes perfect sense.
School is a world full of rules, expectations, transitions, and social dynamics that can feel overwhelming – especially after the freedom of summer.
What is Back to School Anxiety?
Back to school anxiety is a normal emotional response to change: change of routine, change of environment, change in meeting new people. It can be triggered by:
- Starting a new grade or school
- Meeting new teachers or classmates
- Academic pressures
- Separation from caregivers
- Sensory overwhelm (noise, crowded halls, changes in routine)
Even children who are excited for school may feel nervous – and that’s okay. Anxiety doesn’t always mean a child doesn’t want to go. It means their inner world is working hard to understand and prepare for a change.
How Can I Help my Child Cope?
Whether or not your child is in therapy, you can apply child-centered principles to support them at home.
1. Reflect Feelings, Don’t Fix:
As parents, there is pressure to “fix” or “change” your child’s feelings – this just means that you care about your child and want them to get through difficult emotions and experiences. Here are some helpful reflections.
Instead of saying, “There’s nothing to worry about” try saying, “It sounds like you’re feeling nervous about tomorrow. That makes sense – it’s a big change.” Naming the feeling helps the child feel seen and safe. By helping your child sit in their feelings, they will also naturally learn how to build resilience to get through hard feelings.
2. Create Routines of Connection:
Morning or bedtime routines (a special handshake, a story, a note in the lunchbox) offers predictability and comfort. Predictability creates a feeling of safety. Routines
communicate, “You’re not alone. We’re in this together.” By providing consistent routines, you are offering your child safety of knowing what to expect each day.
3. Empower with Choices:
Give your child small choices to foster autonomy: what to wear, what snack to pack, what backpack to use. It strengthens their sense of control and reinforces that they can
make choices and decisions even when life feels tough.
4. Make Space for Play:
Leave unstructured play time on your schedule. Children decompress through play. Provide them time to go to the park, play with friends, or play quietly in their own play
space at home.
5. Normalize and Prepare:
Talk about what to expect. Read books about school. Drive by their school building. Practice your morning and evening routines a week or two before school starts. This
helps to ease your child into their new routine before the stress of projects and homework.
Still Having Some Trouble?
Child-centered play therapy can help with building your child’s resilience through anxiety. We believe that children communicate through their play. It’s how children express, process, and make sense of their back to school anxiety. Through the safety of the therapeutic relationship, children can explore their back-to-school worries on their terms. As always, we follow the child’s lead, offering presence, reflection, and unconditional positive regard. Through this process, your child will build their inner confidence, emotional vocabulary, and self-trust.
If this sounds like your child, we invite you to schedule your free initial parent consultation with us. We want you and your child to be successful this upcoming school year.
With play and presence,
Lauren Walter, MS, LPC-Associate | Play Therapist
Supervised by Magan Mangold, LPC-S
